Words Can Hurt
Believe it or not, the world of adoption has a language of its own. People who have adopted, or have been adopted, are often quick to correct an improper or negative term or phrase. I was recently reminded of this as I was exploring some marketing avenues for my adoption consulting business. The person I was speaking with worked in the advertising and marketing section of a local magazine. After I had introduced my company and myself, the following brief conversation ensued:
“So you help people get babies then?”
“No, I provide education and consultation services to families who are exploring adoption in Alberta.”
The person asked, “So you don’t work with the girls who give up the babies?”
Moving swiftly into “education mode” I politely replied, “No, I do not work with people who are looking to place a child for adoption.”
This recent conversation reminded me that people who have not yet been personally connected to adoption should learn and understand positive adoption language.
The reason why this is so important is that certain words have a serious negative connotation and can be down-right rude or demeaning to someone who has been involved in adoption.
Please take a minute to read through the following terms (perhaps one day they will be useful to you):
Negative Terminology Positive and Preferred
1) Gave up for adoption Placed for adoption
2) Real parent / Natural parent Birthparent / Biological parent
(How can someone be a “real” or non- real parent? How can someone be a “natural” or non-natural parent?)
3) “Adoptive” parent Parent
(Is it really necessary to create this distinction? By adding “adoptive” it makes the relationship sound like a consolation prize!)
4) Her/His “adopted” child Her/His “child”
(The same applies here. Why create this distinction at all? Under what circumstances would this be necessary or appropriate?)
5) Keep a child Chose to parent
6) A “foreign” adoption An “international” adoption
7) To “track down” bio-parents To search for biological parents
Eight) Unwanted child A child placed for adoption
It is my hope that, after reading through the above terms, you will understand that there is justifiable sensitivity among adoptees and their parents to some of the common language and expressions that people use when differentiating adoptive relationships from those that are biological. After all, you never know who is listening or for that matter, who might be adopted.